posted by Nk. at 12:31 AM

if i hadn't been wandering the net this morning i wouldn't have learned that there's such a thing as sampaguita flavored ice cream. thanks to mulatala i now know that if i'd ever like a taste of this curious dessert i'd have to go to Cafe Ysabel in Greenhills. thanks que sara sara!

it's been over a month now since bagyong reming. our house isn't quite back to "normal" yet...some things have lost their places after the flood waters damaged some of our furniture and thus rendered their occupants homeless for the moment. hence the organized chaos of some sorts.

it's true that storms sometimes turn up old treasures. to me it came in the form of the journals i had years ago, kept under my bed in the small antique maleta of my lola (that my aunt gave me after she passed away). i started making journals young, so you can imagine just how much humiliation, insecurities, and generally symptoms of paranoia had been documented in those notebooks.

after the storm i found my diaries wet, soggy, the ink melting out into the pages rendering most of the entries unreadable. but i sun-dried them all anyway...i like the idea of when i'm old i'll get to share them with the grandkids. and laugh about them. your lola was one stupid girl apos.

was browsing through some of them that made it literally, through the storm. here's an entry i had dated October 17, 2002:

i wonder, how does God decide who wins the lottery, one like the prize tonight -- more than 200 million pesos? is it a matter of destiny? like it was written in the stars?

if it's a matter of faith, does that mean that those of us who never win lack in faith, maybe believed less, or prayed less? how does God decide who deserves the prize and who deserves to wait, and wonder? and to think that lottery is a form of gambling...maybe God draws the lucky ones, like in the lotto. (and the prize goes to ---- human being no. 685222100000963337411385246231314755!)

nah. God knows best. which means that whatever decision He makes is no product of "luck", but rather of careful thought.

what is luck anyway?

the same thing goes with love. how does God decide who's for whom, or who's to just easily turn the corner and bump into him and voila, soulmates? and while others find them easily, falling to their laps like serendipity, and others wait for ages?

do we get to meddle with His plan without messing up our own lives?

is God a dictator?

would He punish me for asking these questions?

i was also in the midst of reading Shirley Mclaine's Out on a Limb that time. talk about curiousities. i have lots, obviously.