and she is? watching you. lulz.
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  • Currently obsessed about: THE BEACH, THE BEACH!!!
  • Currently loving : photography and play time
  • Currently singing to : Meiko's Boys With Girlfriends
  • Currently reading : Michael Crichton's Next
  • next in line : Dork Whore
  • Currently craving : 1. a vacation somewhere where there's sand, sea, and shore. 2. that sinful, orgasm-inducing chocolate cake from Cyma 3. a DVD copy of Ang Lee's 1997 film, The Ice Storm 4. YOU.
  • currently advocating: come on, do something guys! Save The Elephants
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talk to me.


“If the shoe doesn't fit, must we change the foot?”~Gloria Steinem

had enough (of me)? here's the way out.
major thoroughfares.
familiar places (people i know).
delightful back alleys.
random finds.

Don't hold your love over my head ~ Come Back To Bed (john mayer)


banner: image not author's own, tweaked picture found in google. layout: tweaked blogskin by inksplash. labor: my cousin val. everything else: me.
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November 21, 2007
posted by Nk. at 1:31 PM

Back in college I was one of those people who knew exactly what to do with my life. I was going to take up a master's degree in Development Communication (or anything related to my journalistic inclinations) and have a career that will involve research, documentation, interaction with people from all walks of life, and lots of travel. If time (and finances) allowed, I was also going to take up Film, and because writing is my first love, maybe produce a screenplay or write a book someday. Sure it wasn't as specific as some OC life-planners would have it, but it was a direction, and it looked pretty promising.

Now seven years later I'm wondering what sort of shit hit me that I now sit here in my personal hellhole, just a stupid remark's away from reaching my trigger point, underpaid and supposedly should be thankful for a six percent annual increase in what is known to most people as salary. After slaving for more than two years I'm left second-guessing myself -- if all the stress, bitching, hits and misses, reached targets, sacrificing, and "accomplishments" mattered, if my staying in this place is the stupidest decision I've made so far.

Am I just throwing a bitchy fit? Am I just being envious that my increase is a mere five hundred bucks while somebody else's is a thousand bucks or more? Am I just being the self-righteous, arrogant elitist? Am I just being whiny? Am I just over-reacting?

Should I just shut up and be thankful that at least, I have a job?


I've always been told that dreams mattered. I'm not sure if I can still afford it, not with reality breathing heavily down my neck.

Maybe in the future, I'll read this post again and laugh at my childish emotional breakdowns. Maybe I'll do an Ala. But right now, I'm very, very pissed.



At November 21, 2007 at 5:25 PM, Anonymous Baddie

I hear ya. We be on the same boat. *high five*


At November 22, 2007 at 11:11 AM, Anonymous chris

Well niki at least girls have this last card left >> marry off some bigwig. :P

anyway lemme know when you'd be available for the adsense appointment.


At November 23, 2007 at 5:43 PM, Anonymous Kenneth

Keep hoping! Where would the world be without hope and wonderful dreams!


At November 24, 2007 at 11:51 AM, Blogger niki

@ baddie - *high five*

@ chris - now where are those bigwigs? =P

re adsense - i'm okay this weekend!

@ kenneth - thanks!


At November 26, 2007 at 8:10 AM, Blogger Jamie

Okay, I'm probably totally clueless because where I come from we have social welfare and no real poverty and practically no unemployment (about 3.5% I think from memory) and I have grown up pretty sheltered. But hopes and dreams are totally important. And the thing about life is that ya only have one. If you are unhappy, unfulfilled, don't sit around waiting for life to improve. Do what it takes. Whatever u need in order for your life to mean something to you, do it. After that healthy dose of cheesiness, Jamie OUT.


At November 26, 2007 at 11:02 AM, Blogger niki

thanks jamie! =)

i think i should move to your place eh? lolz