posted by Nk. at 1:31 PM

Back in college I was one of those people who knew exactly what to do with my life. I was going to take up a master's degree in Development Communication (or anything related to my journalistic inclinations) and have a career that will involve research, documentation, interaction with people from all walks of life, and lots of travel. If time (and finances) allowed, I was also going to take up Film, and because writing is my first love, maybe produce a screenplay or write a book someday. Sure it wasn't as specific as some OC life-planners would have it, but it was a direction, and it looked pretty promising.

Now seven years later I'm wondering what sort of shit hit me that I now sit here in my personal hellhole, just a stupid remark's away from reaching my trigger point, underpaid and supposedly should be thankful for a six percent annual increase in what is known to most people as salary. After slaving for more than two years I'm left second-guessing myself -- if all the stress, bitching, hits and misses, reached targets, sacrificing, and "accomplishments" mattered, if my staying in this place is the stupidest decision I've made so far.

Am I just throwing a bitchy fit? Am I just being envious that my increase is a mere five hundred bucks while somebody else's is a thousand bucks or more? Am I just being the self-righteous, arrogant elitist? Am I just being whiny? Am I just over-reacting?

Should I just shut up and be thankful that at least, I have a job?


******


I've always been told that dreams mattered. I'm not sure if I can still afford it, not with reality breathing heavily down my neck.


Maybe in the future, I'll read this post again and laugh at my childish emotional breakdowns. Maybe I'll do an Ala. But right now, I'm very, very pissed.

Labels: anger mismanagement