posted by Nk. at 2:10 PM

Step 1. Send a message to a random person with a fake photo and what you thought was cute and witty About Me portion over at some online internet community.

Step 2. Exchange numbers. Get to know each other.

Step 3. Exchange interesting ideas. Become friends. Or flirt. Or both.

Step 4. Stay in constant contact for months. Or years. Without meeting up, because you live approximately 20 or more provinces apart (and one of you think online dating is stupid and has yes, issues). Develop some kind of weird (non) relationship that neither of you have an actual name for (because again, one of you think online dating or whatever it is called these days is stupid and has yes, issues).

Step 5. When you do have the opportunity to meet up -- like when one happens to be in town -- miss it. With excuses like you can't because it's late or, because you're unfortunately already in the bus back home.

Step 6. When another perfect opportunity comes in the form of one of you moving to the other's town because of work, fail at meeting each other twice or thrice before finally ending the agony meeting up on of all days, Good Friday -- when there's barely any place to go.

Step 7. After eating at KFC (and thinking "in fairness, cutie naman"), drive around listlessly and pretend to not understand what the other is suggesting because you're currently hormonally-imbalanced and cannot think straight, and you're torn between having a hysterical laughing fit and wishing the earth to open up and swallow you from the car's passenger's side because you, open-minded you, cannot believe that this guy -- like all other guys you've met so far (which excludes your guy bestfriends, your gayfriends and that guy you thought liked you but didn't, but which definitely includes that applicant asshole in your office whose hand you found conveniently creeping up your backside a couple of months ago) -- was just prolly out to check out exactly what size your boobs are or how you would look like writhing in a bed watching TV in a room in a place called Town and Country. That of course, next to you being interesting.

Step 8. End "the date" early and wonder which reason should make you feel better: that the day being Good Friday and you, being a Catholic (tho you haven't been inside a church for months) just did the right and most agreeable thing and the Lord will bless you a hundredfold for it (and maybe even part the Red Sea again for you and shower you with men you can take home to your parents), or, that boys will always be boys and you should just get a perm instead, and, most of all, get a new set of friends -- uglier friends (so that maybe, just maybe, you'd get someone who'd actually think of you beyond se being friends, or alcohol).


But then again, don't listen to me because I flail miserably at this.


Or maybe it's just all in my head. It is, right? No? Oh. kaaay.

I did say I was about to do something stupid, didn't I.