posted by Nk. at 7:25 AM

Like my occasional smoking, some things I decide to quit with a certain amount of procrastination. I don't need to be reminded that smoking is bad for my health, and I don't even like smoking - it doesn't taste good, it doesn't help me think clearly, or think, for that matter.

In fact, smoking fogs my mind, makes me a little breathless, and dizzy, weak in the knees. One stick and I have to move slow, else I trip on my own two feet and fall flat on my face. But I still smoke, occasionally. When I need to not think, when I need to be away, even during break time, when everyone's chatting and relaxing and having their fifteen minutes window to freely discuss stuff like how unbelievable that pick up line she gave was, or how you should have worn flat normal shoes instead of the hideous things you have on your feet this morning, or why the world isn't flat, or why that diet tea you've been taking for weeks now is not working and you're still fat.

And no it's not a hard habit to break. I'm not crazy about cigarettes, and I will not run amok if cigarettes suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth.

There's just this unexplainable, totally unnecessary pleasure in engaging in something you can do without - like things that aren't permanent, or even real, but you like anyway.

Labels: flashes of light, tunnel visions