June 6, 2009
posted by Nk. at 3:50 PM
...maybe I'll be more clearheaded and I'll be able to blog about nice things likewhat a grand time I had in Singapore while I was there and how I'd like to go back for another visit
or
how the rain, constant rain reminds me of what it's like to be a kid to not worry about your shoes getting wet or getting sick or that icky flood
or
how sometimes a smile can make you wonder what that mouth would taste like
or
how I miss pancakes and Milo and pears and blueberry cheesecake
or
how I finally found my own place.
Which I haven't done yet.
Labels: about a girl, out of happy, the voices in my head
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May 5, 2009
posted by Nk. at 3:34 PM
These are the things that made me afraid today:Not being able to settle my credit card bills, getting sued, and getting locked up in a jail somewhere where I won't be able to blog, twitter, party, shoot pictures, and see sunsets. Worse, I'd have to wear orange all the time. I hate the color orange.
That my state of distraction and my constant feeling of not being quite there would result to replying something incoherent and embarrassing to people I'm talking to, like mumbling something about being a black hole in your universe, dancing cows and riding unicorns when I'm being asked about where to save files and shit like that.
Falling down the flight of stairs.
Not being okay for a long time.
Looking and liking what I'm seeing too much.
Getting too fat.
Being always almost there but never really making it.
A burnout.
Getting old and not really getting it.
Losing the fight. Wait, what am I fighting anyway?
Being lost, permanently.
Labels: epic fails, lucid intervals, out of happy
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April 27, 2009
posted by Nk. at 4:37 PM
I only have reminders for myself for this blog entry:1. Jose Cuervo is not my friend.
Message in a bottle: "Let's go to hell. Together!"On the two occasions I drank this I lost my wallet, my reflexes, some parts of my memory (thank god?) and a little of my dignity (or so I'd like to think). Which isn't really completely a bad thing, says my guy-buddies. Which makes me all the more suspicious. So yeah, Jose Cuervo, we're not friends.
...but I don't really hold grudges, so...
2. Be careful of those sockets and plugs, so says my mother. She says my sister dreamt of me getting electrocuted. Possible explanation: I have to be more careful of everything that involves electricity (does that feeling you get when you meet eyes with your crush count? No? Kk). Either that, OR, my sister really hates me.
(Strangely enough I've always had this irrational fear of getting run over by a speeding truck. When crossing a busy street I go into silent panic, and if ever a companion so hesitates while crossing the street you can expect that silent panic to turn into a not so pleasant shriek. So yeah, thank you to those who offer their arm or hand to me during these times, you sweet you, heh.)
3. Remember to save some money. Singapore trip is in a few weeks.
I'd remind myself of a few more things, but those things already qualify under stuff I already know.
Let me tell you about two posts that blew me away today tho:
Rom's Love Letter
Modern Patadyong's Hunas
I wish that I could just write down all the demons that I've been indulging in my mind lately the way these two could, but no, I could only read their words and nod my head and say, yeah, that's it. That's how it feels. That's how it is.
On a lighter note, can I just say let's *high five* the makers of Ang Blog ng Mga Tunay na Lalake?
Labels: Getaway Girl, Jose Cuervo, link love, lucid intervals, out of happy, these alcoholic times
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December 6, 2008
posted by Nk. at 8:40 AM
Yesterday was a very, very bad day.Good friends suddenly lost their jobs, my friend Red got caught (as in caught a bullet in his chin) in the crossfire in that tragic shootout that happened in Parañaque and is now confined in the hospital, and most of all, yesterday it was clearer than ever that some things were over before they've even really begun.
On the brighter side of things, maybe it's just the universe's funny way of rebooting -- sort of giving us a new lease on life. Losing your job could mean you'll find a better (more deserving of your labor) one; getting shot -- but coming out alive is by no means something to get down on your knees and be grateful to the universe for; and things ending before they've even begun could mean that it was never meant for you anyway, that maybe, just maybe, it was just a taste of things to come (Great things, I hope, the taste test was pretty good and great things don't come easy in my life lately hehe.)
So yes Twinkle, I'd really like to think so too.
Song of the moment: Jack's Mannequin's The Resolution
Labels: flashes of light, out of happy
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November 11, 2008
posted by Nk. at 6:04 PM
Happiness sure is a fleeting thing.I am terribly sad today, but the happy weekend I had, let me show you it, in photos (because it's *sings* funny how we can feel so much, but we cannot say a word -- tama, kumanta na lang haha):
Friday: @ Tiananmen Bar, Makati with old friends
Saturday: @ Mutiny Bar in Macapagal Ave.(I must say I loved it there -- must be my mutinous side haha!)
who's drunk? not the ruling class on board!
Sunday: Edri's post-birthday party, Makati
kiss, kiss, kissHopefully tomorrow the universe and I will be friends again. But today, it's pakyu, world. Haha.
Now off I go to my old friend Vodka.
Labels: Macapagal, Mutiny Bar, out of happy, parteeh girl, Tiananmen Bar, your weekend wanderer
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October 1, 2008
posted by Nk. at 6:57 PM
I'm sick today. This is what weird weather does to asthmatics like me. Other than being sick, I'm also feeling gloomy.But yesterday I was feeling perfectly happy.
The octopus' fleeting dream
/ in the trap
/ the summer moon
~ Matsuo Basho
Labels: haiku, matsuo basho, out of happy, segues
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August 23, 2008
posted by Nk. at 2:45 PM
Three years here and there are still times, like now, that I feel like the extra finger I first saw in an aunt's hand a long time ago. It's there but it doesn't really have a purpose, or function. I'm sure that aunt would have had her extra finger cut off if it weren't such an inconvenience to get it done. So I figure, she chose to just live with it.The extra digit is most commonly an abnormal fork in an existing digit.
I thought being okay with what I do, being called something fancy, and being with people I liked was good enough. Never mind what I actually get for it. Now it's looking like I was wrong, again.
In the past, the slightest signs of unhappiness sent me packing and moving on. Why, despite of the heartaches and letdowns for the past three years I'm still here I'm surprised myself.
You can give it your best shot and how many percent of the time you still will miss.
Maybe it's time to choose another target.
Or another gun.
Or maybe I'm playing the wrong game.
Labels: epic fails, out of happy
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